Emotional equilibrium - Dr. Helen Pearman Ziral, PhD

Welcome to SpeakUP! International with Rita Burke and Elton Brown!

SpeakUP! International provides An opportunity for people in our community to tell their fabulous, amazing stories and through these stories, we become inspired, we are informed, and we're educated. Today the person that will be telling a little bit of her story is Dr. Helen Pierman Zerall. She is a facilitator of wellness and individual transformation. Dr. Helen conducts individual and group sessions and healing circles focused on F.I.T. Which means Forgive Intergenerational Trauma. This program is designed to support women who are on a wellness journey. In her work, Dr. Helen helps individuals to achieve emotional balance, which she adds is essential for physical wellness. Dr. Helen. Is the college professor who is experienced in wellness, psychology, stress management, and personal development. Meet my dear friend, Dr. Helen Pearman Zera!

Thank you very much, Rita, for that fabulous introduction! You beefed it up there, but thank you so much and Elton, thank you as well for welcoming me to this podcast. This is excellent. I know I'm going to enjoy it. So thank you both.

If I was walking down the street And I walked up to you I don't know you, and asked, who are you? How would you answer that?

I would say she is a woman who is concerned about women in particular not that she's not concerned about men, but concerned about women and in support of the disease that women present with in terms of body, mind, and spirit, and when I say dis ease, I'm talking about women who are not at ease and that can be manifested or shown in so many different ways in terms of their body, their mind, and their spirit. Did I answer your question? I hope I did.

That is fabulous, Dr. Helen. Now, you are a facilitator of wellness and individual transformation. Tell our listeners what kinds of concerns bring people to see you?

I would say things like stress. Stress of course is something that we cannot do without, but what I'm particularly concerned about is working with women who demonstrate the embodiment of distress. And that usually shows up in terms of the kind of ailments, the health challenges, the mental challenges, the spirit challenges that they may have. I'm also concerned about how women feel about themselves. What's their sense of self? Is it a strong sense of self or is it a weak sense of self? And how are they manifesting the life that they want? Recently, I've become very engaged in stories. Because we have, we are storied individuals. We have multiple stories. And the me that you see in front of you right now has stories that come from my ancestors, stories from my community, and so forth. So I'm concerned in working with women In terms of helping them to identify and learn from those various stories,

Women are extremely resilient, but they need tools in order to maintain that level of excellence. I'm wondering what kind of tools do you provide to women in order for them to be their true selves.

I try to help women to tap into their true self, but sometimes they don't really know the essence would be helping women to tell their stories. I'm really hooked on this notion of stories. And when I think of that, I think about the fact that when we tell our stories. It's really what we grew up hearing from our parents, what we grew up hearing from our community, what we grew up hearing from the others around us, be it school teachers, playmates, whatever the case may be. And so I'm particularly concerned about helping women to see what those are and to learn from those pieces. And help them to see that's really who they are, that's the essence of them as an individual.

Sounds like a thing, sounds like leading them along a path of some kind of self awareness? Is that what I'm hearing, Helen? Yeah. Now, I was very impressed with the concept, with the notion of FIT, F. I. T.. Could you unpack that for our listeners please?

Of course! It's an acronym that I developed recently. It's actually Forgive Intergenerational Trauma. We again, because of the stories that is a part of who we are, there's a lot of intergenerational trauma. And the individuals that we show up as and the stories that we hold on to are pieces of us that's there to protect us. So when I work with women, my focus is on five different steps. Would you like me to go into to highlight those five steps?

Enlighten us, please.

Okay. So the first step is actually helping women to tell their story, their ancestor story their parent's story. That's the first piece. And then the next piece is feeling their story. So they tell the story and then feeling it in their body, their mind and their spirit. And then I like to Help them to collapse the story. So taking it apart looking at the beginning of the story, the middle of the story and where things are currently and as they collapse it think in terms of body, mind and spirit as part of that collapsing. I also like to encourage women to reframe the story. So look at it differently. And I'm reminded of Gestalt therapy and I was reading something that earlier today that reminded me of that, and it may sound like really airy fairy, but I did it many years ago when I was an undergrad at York University. And I remember... Sitting in a chair and having a chair beside me, no, having a chair adjacent to me and imagining as I was in discussion with the empty chair, who that was in that chair? Was it my parent? Was it my at the time? My, my spouse way back when? Was it a classmate? Was it someone who had a significant impact on my life, negative or positive? So as I did that with the Gestalt approach, I was sitting in one seat talking to the empty chair as if it was that person and pulling out what I was trying to get at and again, imagining my responses as the person in the empty chair. So that's part of the reframing and looking at it differently. And then integrating the story looking at the aspects of our lives and looking at it particularly from an intergenerational perspective. That's my passion, intergenerational to what extent. Have our parents and their parents impacted our story kind of like reality.

Let me interrupt you just a little bit. When I hear the term Intergenerational, that you're meaning issues and situations that have passed down from generation to generation. Thank you so much.

Yeah, and some people, Rita, often talk about seven generations as a way of defining it a bit. The unfortunate thing is that some of us can't go back seven generations. We, we, we have a somewhat limited ancestral memory or story, but there are some who can go back seven generations and hear what that story is as well.

How do you use these stories that individuals provide as, I'm going to call them paintings Do you actually take those stories and create paintings from them and have them look at that painting to determine what changes they need to make in their lives?

I like that, Eilton And no, I have not done that. But, having read something this week. I'm embracing something else about the story and that other piece that I'm embracing is the tree planted on a surface. And the surface is the surface of our community, our family who we are. So think of that as like the base. And then when we look at the tree, what is the essence of the tree? What are the roots of the what is the root of the tree? And what are the leaves? So when I think of the leaves what parts of that tree are we then going to be sharing with others? Be they members of our community, our family or whatever just looking at the individual leaves and looking to see what the essence is of those leaves.

I'm particularly fascinated with that notion, with that concept of the tree, but I'm also impressed, Helen, with the steps that you just mentioned to us, the people telling their stories, feeling their stories, collecting their stories, reframing and integrating, that sounds like a wonderful process to help people to grow and to build their strength. Now, tell our audience, Helen, what an emotionally balanced person looks like, sounds and behaves please.

That's in a way, a tall order. Because, oftentimes, The best of us. We may assume that we're emotionally balanced, but are we, what does it really mean? I think it means how we are in terms of our inner emotion and how we are in terms of our outer emotion. And when I think of that, I think of emotional intelligence and I think if one were to say that one is emotionally balanced, then I think it says that our emotional intelligence quotient would be high.

Were you in a podcast? Not this one, but another podcast back in February? The podcast was called the Hot Mess to Awesomeness.

Yeah.

And you were definitely a part of that. So can you tell us how did it feel to be part of that podcast and what were the high points? That were discussed.

Okay. It was someone I met through LinkedIn and I think I was talking about my health issue on LinkedIn and this person invited me again as I look at pre and post COVID. She invited me pre COVID to be a part of her podcast and that was the title that she came up with the hot mess issues that what I was talking about was my own health challenge and how that was the essence of my hot mess and what that looked like. So you found it.

I do try to do my homework because when I ask questions, I don't want I don't want you to think, Oh, this guy just pulling these questions from out of the cloud. I don't want to. I want to. I don't want to do that. I want our interviews, our conversations to be personal. I guess for the most part. And earlier we were talking about COVID and then pre COVID, post COVID. And I'm just wondering, what do you find interesting about individuals that you work with pre and post COVID? Do you see any changes, good or bad?

I think I see changes. I don't know whether I can say that they're necessarily good or bad. I think for some people. And there's an aspect of that is very, that touches me to my core when I reflect on my late partner. And I think that some of what his issue was post COVID was how his life to him. Wasn't the same as it was pre COVID. And I'm sure that's the case for many individuals, not many, but for some individuals that things have changed, whether it be a loss of a loved one, whether it be loss of a job, whether it be loss of who they see themselves as and how this kind of is embodied how this is demonstrated in who they are post COVID. For some people, they're not the same as they were pre COVID.

What do you think is your, to date, your largest or biggest accomplishment?

I would say my doctorate around something that I was passionate about, and that was looking at women's resilience. Looking at what women show up with, I think that search that writing really enabled me to bring to the surface something that I hadn't even realized was as critical. as it was. I remember when I started to do my doctorate, I thought many people when they do their PhDs, they do something unique. And I thought, can I find something unique? And that was a bit of a concern, but I did find something. I think that was unique. And that's this whole notion of For me, not just the intergenerational trauma, but how it shows up for and unfortunately, looking at women, particularly not that I'm not that I even want to suggest that this is not something that is also demonstrated or manifested in men, but I wanted to narrow it. And in looking at women with the notion of intergenerational trauma, it's what are they showing up with and what are they showing up with if they're conceiving and that doesn't necessarily have to be conceiving a child. It could be conceiving an idea conceiving a plan. What's showing up for them and how does their intergenerational trauma have an effect on that conception.

Deep stuff, Dr. Helen That is certainly deep. Now, because your work revolves around health, wellness, transformation, what are two daily habits that you would like to see all individuals practicing?

I'd say the first thing is actually I like getting up in the morning and I like to, if I don't write it down, I like to reflect on and come up with three gratitude statements. For me, that's a, that's an important way to start my day before I get up and do anything else. What are three things that I'm grateful for? And sometimes at the end of the day, I like to reflect on how I started the day in terms of my gratitude statements. And what am I grateful for now that I've come to the end of the day.

Are there usually many things you're grateful for at the end of the day?

I think one thing that I'm grateful for at the end of the day is often having experienced the day, having lived the day, having interacted with interesting people have, having interacted with interesting people who've made an impact on me, and also oftentimes learning from those individuals. And it may be something very minor, but it's just a treat. It's such a wonderful thing!

Talking about having an impact on you, who or what would you say has made you who you are today?

I would say largely my parents. My father, I was I describe myself as the daddy's girl to the nth degree. And my father was a reader, not necessarily of novels, but he kept himself current. He devoured the newspaper way back when, and he had the ability to, with what he was reading and with his sense of life and so forth, he had the ability to say things that was phenomenal. Back in the 70s, my father died in 1976, but prior to his death, I remember him sitting one, one day, we were chatting, and in 1976 and and that became a part of my memory. My father said to me, one of these days when we have, when we're talking on the phone, we're going to be able to see each other. And I thought, what you talking about? But guess what? Can't we see each other when we're talking on the phone? But he said that back in 1976. Phenomenal, right? So he had an impact on me from that sense. My mom also had an impact on me because my mom was extremely creative. And I'd like to think that I have inherited by osmosis or whatever, my mom's creativity. She was entrepreneurial. I wish I were more entrepreneurial, but I think that I got a little bit of that from her. Some of her spunk and her commitment to others. To helping others. She was very artistic, as I may have mentioned, and her focus was interacting with young people. That was her passion, and helping them to be to express their creativity. And there, I remember when I was back in Bermuda, there were young people who would come by and thank her. There was one, one young man in particular, who became an architect. And he came by after, he started his business and so forth, and I just happened to be with her the day that he came by to tell her that he appreciated the support and the encouragement that she gave him as an 11 year old with his own creativity. And how that was the essence of what he leaned on as he became an architect.

So using today's, using today's language, then you would say your parents were both, particularly your mother, influencers.

I would. Yeah. Yeah. My mother in particular, my father, I think wasn't an influencer, but I think he was one who could look at situations could look at what we were presented with and almost imagine what the world was going to look like, what things were going to look like. But yeah, my mom was definitely an influencer. I never thought of that. Thank you!

On Go Solo by Sub Kit. This is a website. You said I work by myself. this is extremely hard. Getting necessary feedback tends to be a bit challenging. Would you like to expand on that?

Yeah I feel like when I work with others for example, I'm a college professor and as a college professor, I get feedback from my students and pre COVID. Here we go again. I would get feedback from my fellow professors, we would talk about issues that we were finding challenging, and we would brainstorm in terms of how we could handle different situations. Did I answer your question there?

Yes. Rita.

Helena, I really like the way you're managing our questions. And as and speak of international, we strive to inform, to educate, and to inspire. And I think the stories you're telling, the manner in which you're responding to our questions, those are helping us to meet our objectives. So thank you very much. Now, how do you bring your best self into life, Helen

How do I bring my best self into life? I think I try with meditation, but I don't know that I always do. I think I struggle with that a little bit, to be honest. I think I... Get mired in my own story or in the story of others and I think that sometimes it has doesn't have the best effect on me. The book that I'm currently reading that talks about stories and so forth. I think sometimes when we embrace stories. That we get from our community and from others, sometimes in so doing, it really drags us down and I think we find ourselves being mired, being buried in that story and then the negativity comes to the surface. Did I answer your question?

I hate negativity. I don't know about you, I just don't like it. As a professor, you hear a lot of people's stories, and you mentioned how some of them stay with you. I'm just wondering the effects of having these stories that kind of attach themselves to you. And I know this is difficult as a professor, and listening to all of these stories, some of them probably, some are good, some are bad, but, and I would just, and I would think that you would want the good ones to stick, that's great, makes you feel really good, but now you have these other ones that are negative, and some of them can be literally heartbreaking, how do you more or less keep all of these emotions that are not really yours at arm's length?

Sometimes it's difficult because sometimes those stories are such that I need to bring others into the picture. And by that I can think of one student in particular, many years back who I was teaching stress management. And in the stress management course, I had 1 of the assignments was for them to reflect on their stressor and what they were finding stressful. And this student was talking about it was an international student. And she was talking about how she was extremely homesick, how she was challenged financially and how, she was trying to finish her courses, and she was doing seven courses, which was, to me, way more than she should have been doing, and how she was having a difficult time keeping up with her grades and also trying to manage her finances. And she said at one point in this little homework piece that she sent in was handed in because it was pre COVID, so it wasn't electronic. And she was saying that she sometimes felt like her life wasn't worth it. And she said she felt that maybe the way out for her was to look at some way of ending it.

That's a powerful Statement, isn't it? I wonder if it caught you off guard, did it?

It didn't so much catch me off guard, but what helped was that I had done a couple of courses, not courses, but workshops with one of our counseling folks for students. He was very much concerned about suicide and suicide prevention. So he had a couple of sessions and I remember going to one of those and he talked about the fact that if we have students. Who are thinking of committing suicide once they start with a plan and they start elaborating on the plan and they start talking about the kinds of things that they need to do, then that's when action has to be that. That's when I would need to take action and he agreed that we don't have us as professors. We don't have that skill set. So once we see that it's who do we contact? Who do we have in our tool, in our toolbox that we can refer students to without compromising their confidentiality? So what I remember around the time that I got this Reflection from this student. I invited the same counselor to my class and I gave him a little heads up. And I said, some of the students are very stressed about work and finances and, one student in particular was talking a little bit about not wanting to live because she was so stressed. And so he didn't divulge that because of course I didn't give him the student's name, but he came in and he talked about stress. He talked about workload, he talked about finance, and he worked his way around to talking about, wanting to end it all, and what that looked like for some people that wanting to end it all could be wanting to no longer be alive. And he called it like it was, and then he began to talk about the resources that is available to students, and I felt relieved knowing that he was open enough and skilled enough to be able to give them the support that they needed.

That is truly amazing. What a story. Perhaps. You were able to save someone's life.

I hope so.

That was truly amazing. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Helen. Now, you're talking about students because you are an educator and you teach college. What would you want to hear your students say about Dr. Helen? When you're not there, what would you want them to say about you as an educator?

I'd want them to, I want to hear that they see that I have concern for all students, regardless of their gender identity, their cultural identity. And that concern is genuine, that I like to give them an ear. Even though sometimes I get in a very irate emails from students. My, my take on that is okay. I'm not going to respond in the same way, but my reaction to that is let's talk now with if I'm not on campus and I'm not seeing them let's set up a quick zoom chat. Let's talk about your concern, because I want to know what is it that they're feeling and what can I do. As the I won't say adult because some of them are not too much younger. They are younger than me, but there's some who are parents and grandparents, believe it or not. So So my feeling is, how can I support you? What help do you need for me? What did you hear me say that was really a concern and almost unpacking it. Mhm. Because again, I may have said something that was an irritant. They may have felt that I was being dismissive. So I'm not wallowing in, I'm really bad. I'm horrible. But let me go back to what is it that you needed from me? And how can we have a meaningful conversation? Thank you. You answered my question.

Talk so much about wellness. Wellness is a word on television and commercials and so many different types of commercials till now. Thank you. The definition of wellness is watered down. I'm just wondering what is your definition of wellness?

I would say that's a an excellent question. I think it's really health of body, mind, and spirit. I don't think it's just the physical part of us. I think it's our mind. It's also our spirit. And I think it's all of it meshed together, that to me speaks to our wellness.

Makes a lot of sense. We are whole people. And yes, there's no question that we need to look at our body, our mind, and our spirit, to know what we are about. Thank you, Dr. Helen, for that. I have one final question for you. To take us... out of the podcast today. Tell us, tell our audience, tell us, what makes Dr. Helen's heart sing?

What makes my heart sing is when I feel that I've somehow connected with someone and made a little bit of a difference. And also that they have shared something with me that has an impact on my life as well. Because I always tell students and people who do sessions with me, workshops in particular, that I may be the facilitator, I may be the professor, but I'm not the one with all the answers, that it's a process. I like to think of it as a circle. And if it's a circle of learning, if one part of that circle is disconnected, then the circles not going to function effectively. So if I can be in a position in that circle, where I am getting information from people who are my students, or participants in a workshop, what am I getting from them? And how is it expanding me? And similarly, what am I sharing with them that's expanding them.

In your role as a professor, doctor, what do you find to be most frustrating in your profession?

Are you talking in terms of individuals? Are you talking in terms of college students, women who I interact with? I'm not sure.

Okay, so I'm talking about college students because you, this is where you, this is where you do your thing.

Okay, I would say the ones who, unfortunately, I often have to question what they're about in terms of being college students. For some of them, I think, too many of them, the focus is on the grade as opposed to the learning. Whatever they can do to get that grade is what they focus on. And the most recent challenge that we have is something called CHAT GPT, which enables them to just put a question in to the site and get a paper and oftentimes the paper may have incorrect references. It may be stilted and so forth, but for them, it's going to help them to get a grade, but they're not learning anything. And when we market, because of course we're being coached and supported in terms of what to look out for with CHAT GPT. And I think I get it in a way. If the essence of all of this education is to get a job, if it's to get the kind of money that they want, they're going to look for the easiest and the quickest way to get it. Is that wrong? Isn't that what the larger society is all about? Aren't we also about whatever we can do that's fast and quick? So it's demonstrated in our students as well.

Can you let me. And by saying that I liked your comment and I will certainly process it and reflect on it, that sometimes students focus more on the grade rather than the learning. So thanks for sharing that and thanks for being our guest on SpeakUP! International! I have no doubt that you've helped us to meet our goals. And I certainly appreciate your being here with us. Thank you so much!

I would like to say thank you to both of you for inviting me to be part of this podcast. Your questions really gave me pause, and I'm sure that once I, once we finish the podcast, I know I'll be reflecting on some of those, and why did I answer that way? And how can those questions... Help me and guide me in my future endeavors, be it with my students. I don't like to say my students. I don't know, but being with students or with clients who I interact with in my workshop. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. And please come back and let's have another conversation!

I would like that very much! So I'll let you extend the invitation whenever, but I would welcome that and thank you.

Count this being your invitation.

Okay, super!

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